This is my contribution to Elle's " First Page Blogfest".
The rule: first page of a novel in no more that 250 words!
This is the opening of a romance novel in which the hero has left the love of his life behind in France: the one person he treasures above all else but is unable to be who she wants him to be. She's not his wife, nor his mistress. Can you guess who she might be?
The traffic lights turned red on approach, and although several vehicles back in a long queue of motors he was able to slip his motorbike out of the line and squeeze alongside the lead car.
With steadying foot to floor he was determined to get ahead of the car beside him. Not that he was running late for an appointment. It was a simple case of fate having dealt him an opportune moment to take advantage of two wheels over that of four.
Unfamiliar with the City of Bristol, for the moment he was keeping a lookout for a particular signpost: Cathedral Court. It was that, or get lost.
His last trip to the plush offices of Carlton International by taxi, from the airport, had afforded no real sense of the place, unlike that of getting around the city on two wheels.
Sensing scrutiny from the driver of the car to his left he cast a cursory sideways glance. A woman, a rather strikingly pretty woman with dark hair and catlike green eyes mouthed something. He guessed it to be anything but flattering.
Averting his gaze from the woman and back to the traffic lights, Henrietta Marie came to mind: her raven hair; ice-blue eyes and quirky smile. She'd stayed by the horses, a mere wave, and then looked away as though accepting that he would return, one day, when his wandering days were over.
Why did he keep making promises he couldn’t keep?
To find out who the love of the hero's life is, and see the mystery hero go here.
To see the other participants go here.
17 comments:
Hey Francine, I enjoyed reading your first 250 words. Intrigued to see what promises he's been making and who the love of his life really is :)
Rach
Hi Francine, I am desperate to know who 'He' is as your piece doesn't give him a name. I think the last line 'Why did he keep making promises he couldn’t keep?' would actually make a great hook of an opening line. :O)
By the end of the word count I was intrigued. I want to know more about him, why he left her, why he makes promises he can't keep and if he really can't keep them. I'm wondering if the girl is an ex or a sister? or maybe a friends sister he promised to look after? hmmmm
I have to agree with Madeleine. That last line WOULD be a great hook. I want to know about the woman, for sure.
Maybe watch how much you use "was". Like changing "was able to slip" in that first paragraph to "slipped" or "was keeping a lookout" to "kept a lookout."
But I definitely want to know more about this man and his broken promises. :)
Good luck!
I agree with the others about the last line, it does make a great hook. I'm curious about this guy and what woman you may introduce to change his evil ways. Everyone else said what I would have added. Great scene! :D
Nice descriptions, and interesting character! I'm interested in his relationship with this woman. Good job.
I'm thinking it's his daughter that he's talking about. It's already a superb beginning, but if it turns out to actually be his daughter, then WOWZA! Great emotion and setting!
A lot of questions raised here--last line keeps you wanting to know more. Thanks for sharing!
He was guessing it to be anything but flattering...
Love that.
No idea who the guy is but I'm guessing he's hot.
Also, thanks for Sharpe
Definitely keeps you guessing! I'd be intrigued to read more! :)
If he's thinking about the woman in the car, I'm guessing the one he left behind is not a love interest. Nicely done and we want to know more.
Such a rouge. Running off all the time. I never would have guessed that it was his daughter. Clueless, much? Nice opening - thanks for sharing!
I liked the opening. Male pride. See it every day on the road. I thought it could possibly be his daughter, too. Great job!
Hey Francine, I'm lovin' this. This is a great opening and the editor's still reading..:)
Hi to all, and thanks ever so for dropping by to comment!
I haven't gotten around to all of you as yet, but I will by Monday. I'm a great believer in if you join a blogfest it's only fair to comment on all entries, no matter how many the total racks up to. Also, I wouldn't dream of hosting one if I didn't intend reading all entries, no matter what genre participant writes - as Elle has done, as I did when I held mine, and how most hosts do but not all. ;)
Keep a look out because I've got a blogfest in the pipeline!
best
F
That was interesting. Could go either way for me. In fact I was leaning more towards an old flame than his child.
Sharde.
I agree: starting with broken promises is a great hook, though using it as you have makes us want more.
Note: avert means to turn away, not turn toward.
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