Today's blogfest is hosted by Brenda Lee Drake.
The criteria: to write a never-ending scene (cliffhanger -whatever)
Naturally, because I'm a romance writer this is a snip from a romance novel.
Brief: After a horrendous journey in blizzard conditions, cooped together in one vehicle, Luc has finally broken through Tory’s ice-maiden stance, and has, he thinks, reclaimed lost ground on a once happy love affair that went awry for reasons beyond on his control. Meanwhile, although momentarily basking in a rosy glow of renewed affections, Tori is wary and unsure she can fully trust in his sincerity toward her. And so, to the cliff edge moment:
Tori had just emerged from the hotel lift and making toward her own room when Luc stepped from the far lift, Fiona at his side; the other woman fussing about him in manner that of wife rather than PA.
Although there was a brief exchange in passing, more eye contact than verbal between herself and Luc, Fiona's expression was pure cat-with-cream, and Luc’s former request to keep their relationship businesslike hurt more than Tori had thought likely. Worse, anxiety took hold, in seeing Luc about to enter Jean-Claude’s suite and Fiona hovering alongside, though her heart did lift somewhat when Fiona suddenly turned away and walked briskly toward Jean-Claude’s office looking less than pleased with herself.
Mind in turmoil Tori sought sanctuary in her own room, well aware that the next few days would be a testing time. She held no illusions to the fact that Fiona saw herself as Luc’s future wife. The other woman had made that quite clear, just by the manner in which she’d plucked a speck of fluff from Luc’s jacket whilst he busy putting key-card to door.
Tori couldn’t help but think Fiona was the reason behind Luc’s request to keep their romance quiet. He could not be ignorant to his own PA’s overt interest in him beyond that of mere PA, surely?
After all, as soon as Luc had walked inside the foyer Fiona had pounced on him, her entire persona that of a jealous fiancĂ©. She hadn’t needed to say hands off, he’s mine all mine, that was clear by her body language alone. Luc on the other hand, had given the impression of being incensed by the implied intimacy between them. He’d even made his excuses and moved away from Fiona and had gone to have a word with Rory. Yet the damn woman had still hovered close by, as though immune to his indifference.
Tori slid her coat from her shoulders relishing the thought of a long hot bath, and as she made her way to the en suite bathroom something Luc had said, came to mind:
What had he meant by his not looking forward to what he had to do, and, that he was hoping to achieve a happy outcome with little, or at best, no unpleasant fallout. Was that statement an admission of some sense of guilt? That perhaps he and Fiona had been more than mere boss and PA, and that Fiona rightly believed they were a couple? What-if, what if Luc wanted out of the relationship purely because of Tori Bellamy?
Questions, questions, there were so many unanswered questions.
She would hate to think herself to be the cause of a once perfectly happy relationship wrecked because of her, but she loved Luc, had loved him since they’d first met. And what of Fiona? Was she as Tori Bellamy imagined: mercenary, dangerous, malicious and of the gold digging kind of PA?
She’d met sexually obsessive and devious PAs before and had seen the damage flirtatious office affairs had inflicted upon unsuspecting wives and children, the latter innocently believing their loved one genuinely running late due to business commitments. She’d hated witnessing the fallout from such liaisons, and had suffered the wrath of a boss wracked with guilt and torn between sexual love for the mistress and loving duty to wife and children. Often as not these silly men had ended up the losers, their lives ruined by emotional stress and latterly financial straits post divorce, and all because of a moment of madness and wild bout of physical indulgence. She’d sworn, sworn she would never set her eyes at a boss, no matter how dreamy or devastatingly handsome he might be, and now she’d broken that rule.
In Luc’s case it was a little different because he was unmarried and had no children. Fiona was his PA, maybe more, Tori couldn’t be sure. But, and it was a big but, Fiona hadn’t known Tori existed until Paula’s wedding day, and Luc hadn’t known then that Tori Bellamy was still as free as a bird and no partner, but he’d still made a play for her. He hadn’t known then that she was about to become PA to one of his company directors, or had he? She couldn’t be sure on that, because on reflection he hadn’t looked the least bit surprised at seeing her at the airport: in fact, highly amused more like.
Oh God, he’d known, known all along she was free, had known she’d taken this job, and had known that with a bit of love talk en route from the airport and a kiss in the 4x4 he could twist her romantic wrist and get what he’d set out to get that day at Paula’s wedding.
Tori stupid Bellamy, had done it again, fallen in love with Luc Montagne who would break her heart a second time just as surely as he had the first time. God, how she remembered that wonderful ski holiday and the fun they'd had and then, then the romantic entanglement and the disaster no one could have foreseen.
‘Life’s hell,’ she said, turning on the bath taps, thinking: I can’t do it, can’t do what Luc wants. I can’t stay here I really can’t. To be the other woman is just not for me. I’m out of here, as soon as.
To see contributions by others to this blogfest go here.
If you're inerested in knowing what happens next in the Tori & Luc saga, go here.
Always, if I join a blogfest I make every effort to read all entries, so if I don't get to your blog today I will be there tomorrow: promise!
Quick add-on: I've been having trouble with Google friend follower - it seems to be down at the mo but I will check it out tomorrow!
33 comments:
This was a good read, thanks for sharing.
as soon as what?
Come on! just a few more lines
No?
okay i'm leaving now
Francine,
Your writing always grabs me from the first paragraph. And I really never read romance. I feel it might become a guilty pleasure to start visiting your blog more.
Thanks for sharing your scene.
Always,
JWP
In My Write Mind
Interesting stuff! And the writing was so descriptive that I'm longing for a cup of hot cocoa!
Good luck!
This totally hooked me! You've got really good descriptions and the characters seem very interesting. Thanks for sharing!
Interesting set-up with your characters! Thanks for sharing!
Interesting read. I noticed you did the "word, repeat same word after the comma thing" three times in 500 words and it makes it less effective the more you do it.
There were also several sentences (paragraph 2 for example) where I felt lost. Maybe chop your sentences where you have commas for clarity. IMHO of course.
Thanks for the read
J
This was an enjoyable scene for the blogfest. You have some great inner turmoil in here that brings Tori to life and makes me want to help her out of the situation. Thanks for posting!
I really enjoyed this scene. Thanks for sharing.
Lots of intriguing interweave going on. And can I say that I love, love, love the "cat-with-cream" line!
You have very strong writing. I enjoy the words you use and how everything builds up. I wish there was more!
I like the description and the build-up. This issue seems to plague many women in the work force. It has a nice realistic edge. Very believable.
Michael D.
I love the inner dialogue of your character. The cat with cream line was just great. I'm anxious to know what she decided!
Edge of Your Seat Romance
Nice. It does leave you wondering what she'd going to do.
This piece has a great main character and plenty of good elements of writing sprinkled throughout. I like getting into the inner dialogue as well. But the last line feels more like an incomplete sentence than a cliffhanger. It doesn't have the incompleteness of interruption either, so it doesn't work as much as it should for me. Other than that little issue, I would be interested in reading to learn more about the character.
Ah, as always Francine, you weave a wickedly-intricate tale. Love it. Works as a cliffhanger. You always manage to find such wonderful pics..:)
I felt so bad for her. Really great!
Ohhh..can't stop there!
Hi Francine, I enjoyed reading this! Thanks for sharing :)
Rach
Run while you can! lol. Lovely entry. Wonder what she's going to do?
Great build-up. Poor Tori. I could immediately identify with her. Such great characters!
Thanks for participating! We've judged your entry. o/\o *high five*
Great internal conflict here. I was lost at first. I didn't know what PA meant. LOL. I'm slow about those things. Great job!
This was a lot of fun--being inside Tori's head, all those feelings simmering under the surface. I guess PA's are the same the world around. Good read and good luck!
I'm not a romance reader, but this piqued my interest. Way to leave us hanging!
Hi,
Many thanks to all of you for dropping by to comment. It's much appreciated!
If I've missed anyone, please let me know and I'll be over to your blog pronto.
best
F
Interesting stuff! Thanks for sharing.
Whoa!
Dropped in for romantic fix to find a party going down. Hey ladies light my fire why don't you. And Francine - lady you got your hook into me. Your distinctive voice shines and I gotta say your romance offerings fair sizzle. Hell, you tempt me to your blog and that's no mean feat.
XXX
Great job with Tori's internal struggle!
Good voice and lots of internal conflict. Would have enjoyed seeing a little more of the external action that led up to this. Good job!
"Questions, questions, there were so many unanswered questions."
That line summs it up for me. Wow, a whole lot going on internally with this character.
......dhole
Hi,
Wow, this was some blogfest, so no wonder it's taken time for people to get around to all the blogs.
Many thanks to all who've finally made it to mine. Thanks muchly folks, you're ace!
best
F
Francine, I loved your entry. You did go over, so now I know why after reading your post to my site today. You weren't interested in the prizes. Thanks for participating,I had so much fun reading (not so much judging)! LOL
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