Monday, 30 August 2010

Fairy Tale Blogfest - Sexy innuendo!

OMG, I'm a real late entrant to this blogfest kindly hosted by Emily White  and to see more of the entries go here

Little Red Riding and Hoodie Wolf - A Wicked Fairy Tale!

If you don't like sexy innuendo in a story read no further!

‘Quit doing that,’ snapped Red Riding, removing a hand from her right breast.’

Button’s laughed, his tunic fully unbuttoned, trouser zip at half-mast. ‘What’s your problem?’

‘Like Cinders, I got standards above my station . . . so grandma tells me. And she says if I want a rich dude for a husband I gotta stay a virgin.’

Zipped up, rejection apparent, Buttons got to his feet. ‘Cinders is no virgin.’

Astonished, Red Riding looked up at him. ‘What? But she’s all grimy, who’d . . . Well, you know what I mean.’

Buttons grinned.

‘You! She did it with you?’

He held out his hand. Red Riding reached for it and he hauled her to her feet.

‘I can’t believe Cinders would do that, not with you, not when Prince Charming has decreed he’s going to marry the mystery girl who ran away from the ball. And we know it was Cinders, she told us all about the fairy godmother.

‘Yeh, but we did it, you know, before she went to the ball. She was all upset and I set to comforting her, like.’


‘Yeh, well, let’s just say we were getting real down and dirty, and poof, all of a sudden ruddy fairy dust filled the room and next thing I knew I was on my arse in the corner of the room. And worse, this big fat fairy was where I’d been standing. She took one look at Cinders sat on the table skirt around her waist, tut-tutted and said “Naughty girl, I’ve got you booked for tonight. You’re to attend Prince Charming’s ball.” Old fairy godmother waved her wand a few times and that were that, Cinders were dressed to kill and a ruddy great stretch-limo materialised outside and off she tottered on glass stilettos.’

‘And we all know what happened, stupid wench.’ Red Riding brushed herself down making sure no telltale hay remained on her red cloak. ‘Right, I’m off now. Promised I’d drop in on grandma.’

The old witch hasn’t choked on a kid bone yet, then?’

‘Of course not, and still baking gingerbread men, and her stew pot is always full of juicy meat.’

Button’s strode to his motorbike, asked, ‘Wanna lift?’

‘Nah, I’ll walk, it’s not far.’

Button’s rode off and Red Riding picked up her basket of super-market goodies and started walking.

She’d gone a few yards when a middle-aged grey-haired guy in a hoodie and jog-pants came up from behind, and said, ‘Hey pretty little thing, you shouldn’t be out here all alone, want company?’

‘Ummm, no thanks,’ came her reply.

He jogged on.

She thought no more about him until she turned along a woodland track, and there he was sat on the ground and seeming a little out of sorts.

‘You OK?’ she tendered, placing a hand on his shoulder.

She hadn’t noticed before, but he sure had a hairy chest, and big bold eyes, eyes of a hunting man: mean face, and prominent nose with it.

‘Do you think you could give me a shoulder to lean on?’ he asked.

‘Sure,’ she replied, helping him to his feet.’

‘You’re new hereabouts, right?’ she asked.

‘Yeh, names Wolf, I bought the cottage in the woods.’

‘Grandma never told mom she’d sold up and moved out.’

He chuckled, and something about his chuckle caused her blood to chill.

‘So how long you been there?’

‘Couple of days,’ replied Wolf.

‘Oh, well, I’ll help you to the cottage, and perhaps you wouldn’t mind if I had a drink before I set off back home to tell my mom the news about grandma.’

‘No, I sure look forward to you’re coming inside my new home.’

They walked on, and soon came to the cottage. Only it wasn’t a cottage any longer. It was a huge mansion house.

‘What happened to the cottage?’

Wolf grinned, and as good as bundled her through a huge oak door. ‘Welcome to Wolf Hall.’

Red Riding looked all around. It was beautiful, not only palatial it smacked of money.

‘You’re a rich dude by all accounts!’

‘Yeah,’ he said, plying the basket from her fingers, and then sliding red cloak from her shoulders.

She glanced down at her skimpy dress. ‘A bit short, isn’t it?’

‘Good on the eyes, sweet cheeks.’

She smiled for she quite liked him, really, despite his wrinkly face and grey hair. He had a fabulous house, and well, what the hell if he fancied her, he had what Button’s could only dream of if ever he won the lottery.

She glanced up at a portrait on the wall. ‘Are pronounced noses a family trait?’

‘Yeah’, he replied, catching up her hand. ‘Sort of good for smelling out tasty morsels like you, and while you’re here, come and see the upper floor.’

She giggled, aware he had a wide mouth and big lolling tongue when he smiled, his eyes brighter than before and finger nails beautifully manicured.

‘No need to drool,’ she said, as he leaned forward and placed a kiss on her lips.

He held her hand in a vicelike grip. ‘Ah, but you like the look of my tongue, right?’

‘I hadn’t noticed,’ she fibbed.

He led off. ‘I know what you want, and I’m more than happy to give it to you, but first, you gotta let me show you something that’ll blow your mind.’

She hoped so, oh how she hoped so: a diamond bracelet, perhaps.

She thought not when he threw her at the bed and leapt on top of her.

It was too late, too late, too late.

The room was piled high with stiletto-heeled shoes.

‘Prince Charming,’ she said, mere whisper, ‘in disguise?’

‘Nah, he’ll be along later. I’m Dandini. See we got this thing going. He holds a ball to get us a chick for the night, only Cinders gave him the slip, and I do fancy dress costume when things don’t go to plan.’

‘And me being Red Riding, you came as Mr Wolf.’

‘Yeah, that about sums it up.’

She giggled. So eat me all up Mr Wolf!

Don't get me wrong but I've always thought there was deeper meaning to this tale. The Wolf representing a mature male initiating a young teen to womanhood, hence red cloak, grey (wolf), salivating predator, and apparently the red cloak only came into being in the Brothers' Grimm fairytales, and two men writing fairytales about pretty little girls?  ;)
What deeper meaning can be drawn from other such fairy tales of young single girls?    


Genie of the Shell said...

How creative! This was a fun one. ;)

Anonymous said...

This might be the first Red Riding Hood of the day where nobody dies. Such a fun way to retell the story.

Summer Ross said...

I liked how you played on other fairytales inside this one. well done. I've taken a few writing classes and literature classes that really dive into some of this. In all actuality red riding hood was originally about human sexuality. it had the meaning of the wolf as more a primal instinct. :)

Roland D. Yeomans said...

Summer is right. It was very inventive to incorporate all those other fairy tales into this narrative.

It was nice for a change to see no one die. Great job. Roland

amber polo said...

Little Red Riding Hood was published in 1697 and the original version ended with the death of Red’s Granny. The Grimm brothers added the part of about the woodman who cut open the wolf and pulled out sweet, innocent Red and her grandmother. And get this, Granny drinks a class of wine and feels fine. Condoning alcohol has been a big deal in fighting the book. Advocates also claimed the story scared children from lurking in the woods or anywhere. And proved women needed male protectors.
Not the kiddie version!

J.C. said...

This was awesome! I've never thought about Red Riding Hood like this before, with this deeper meaning you mentioned! *LOL* Was Red's grandma the old lady who tried to eat Hansel and Gretel? That's amazing! Love your other fairytale references!

Elena Solodow said...

By far the BEST opening line of the whole contest.

This story accentuated the original story's purpose to warn little girls of predators - great job on that!

Emily White said...

Update: I'm posting finalists tomorrow. Not Wednesday. See you there! :D

Brenda Drake said...

Wow, is it hot in here? Great job in pulling in other elements from other fairy tales. Wonderful! :D

Brad Jaeger said...

Filthy. In a good way.

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Go Francine!! I liked this. I always thought the red cloak was virginity.

Nice job.

Terry Stonecrop said...

I also like the way you combined the tales. Lots of fun and thought-provoking! Great ending, too. Love a happy ending:)

Damyanti said...

I liked your combining of tales, and the deeper meaning you saw in it. The comments were also very educative, thanks go to Amber Polo.

All the best Francine, I think you might be amongst the top 5 !

Jen said...

Thank you for the warning at the beginning. That being said... this was kick ass!!!

I loved everything you wrote and I loved the photos :) It was awesome!!! I loved the happy ending!

DL Hammons said...

Me LIKES! Let me repeat. Me LIKES!! :)

Mary Campbell said...

Naughty, but funny.

Donna Hole said...

Oh, very satisfying. Luscious.


Francine said...

Hi Guys and Dolls!

Thanks ever so for coming over to comment.

I played on memory of Pantomime as a teenager, when I actually got involved in the acting side of things. Later I helped with production of pantos: writing scripts. Kids still love a good panto despite modern gadgets, so too parents because that's the thing with panto there's room for loads of double entendre (sexy)and such plays a huge part in entertaining the adults!


Clara said...

I agree with you, Red Riding is pure sex content lol. I was aware of this hidden context on the original tale, but this was very nicely presented on our story, really, really liked it!

Falen (Sarah) said...

Yay sexy Innuendo!
This reminds me of "Into the Woods" which is my all time favorite play/musical (where all the fairy tales are mixed together)
Good job!

Talei said...

Hi Francine,

Loved your entry - great reading and highly entertaining. I do love a saucy fairytale!! ;))


Rebecca T. said...

Quite an interesting twist on the tale :)

Terry Stonecrop said...

Hi Francine, Again, this was a fun read!

I have something for you at my blog so stop by when you get a chance:)

Manzanita said...

Red's better off with meeting Wolf in the woods than if she had meet up with Narcissis. Being so young and impressionable, he'd have hooked her immediately.

Your story was great. Thanks for stopping. I'm a new follower and I'll return.
wanna buy a duck